Apparently Lebanon is Not in Africa. I Think it Moved Recently. Just to Spite Me.
Yesterday (Saturday December 2) there was a UIL competition. Several events ranging from academics to debate. Each person who goes does from 1 to maybe 3 events. I only ever go to take the Science test (20 bio questions, 20 chem, 20 physics). Perhaps I should make that clearer in the future.
It's always been a sort of fear for me that I'll go to a UIL competition and be drafted onto the mathematics or social studies teams, being as I have friends taking these tests and have done reasonably well in the subjects over the years.
I never expected this.
As we departed from our school to go to the competition about 1.5 hours away, my friends and I were sitting in the back few rows of the bus (their choice, not mine). Some of them were sleeping, some were listening to their iPods. Having forgot mine, and not feeling all that sleepy (despite having gotten up at about 5:30 after playing World of Warcraft with a friend till midnight to escape the scary party going on downstairs [with old people!]) I was just staring out the window. As I was staring at the barren Texas landscape, my latin teacher walks down the aisle of the bus, sits down in the seat in front of me, and turns around.
This said latin teacher (who shall be refered to as "Mrs. S") is also the debate coach (and of course she was there to do all the co-ordinating for the debate part of UIL with her team). She begins by saying, "Isaac! I have a job that needs doing and I thought of you!"
My first thought, "This cannot bode well."
As it turns out, one of the debaters had mysteriously not turned up. Unless someone else filled this person's place, the school would be charged a drop fee to the tune of about $50. She wanted me to fill this person's spot. Because all of the other debaters were busy at the time "Because of how this tournament is scheduled."
The event was Extemp. Basicly how the process goes is that when your name is called, you proceed to the front and draw 3 slips of paper from an envelope. You pick 1 (all three have topics written on them) and put the other 2 back. Then, you walk to your school's debate tubs (I knew what these were, we have had to push them off of tables to work whenever the Latin 3s and 4 students go into her office to do work seperate from the 2s) and research your topic for 30 minutes. Then, you walk to another room and give a 0-7 minute speech in front of a judge about your topic.
Mrs. S said that she didn't care whether I really tried or not (I don't believe this, she has tried at least twice before to get me hooked on debating, without sucess) and if I wanted I could walk into the judge's room, say "Darn it, I forgot my speech," and walk out again, so long as somebody was there to avoid the drop fee.
To show you how good of a debater Mrs. S clearly is, she never asked me if I would do it. She simply stated the facts, oulined how I would be doing it, bribed me with a free soda (which I have yet to recieve) and walked away confident in the notion that the spot had been filled.
However, there were a few glitches.
First, I wasn't dressed for the ocasion. I knew this because before the bus left I had been talking to a guy in my AP-biology class who was doing this same event, and saw the suit he was wearing. There I was, wearing a "HHS Science Olympiad" T-shirt and a pair of blue shorts (contrary to what others would wear in weather such as there was). When in the rooms, I felt rather under-dressed.
Second, there were scheduling problems for me. The event started at 8:30 and my science test (remember that? the whole reason I was there? Oh yeah, that.) was at 9:45, so timeing would have to move perfectly.
Third, I would have to impersonate someone. I was told that my name would now be Bridget W, despite the fact that I looked nothing like any Bridget I had ever met. My friends got a good laugh out of this, so, capitalizing on the moment to make a joke, I turned to them and said, "Yeah, I'm in the witness protection program. I change my name often." They laughed harder.
Despite these, I agreed. After hearing the story of another person Mrs. S had done this too (this other person also happens to be in my Bio-AP class) who had earned a medal after being thrown into Extempt in one day (this speech was no doubt supposed to motivate me to join debate full time as said person had), the event started...sort of.
We went into the room and waited. It started late, which sent me into shock because I was going to be late for my science test because I was being nice to the debate team's finances. However, Mrs. S got me moved to first speaker, so hopefully everything would work better.
When roll-call came around for the room, Bridget W's name was called, and I answered "Here." The roll-caller nodded, looked back at her paper to proceed, then immediately did a double-take and looked back up. "Oh, you're that substitute," she said, and the whole room proceeded to look at me, and my T-shirt and shorts.
I went to the front and drew my topics:
1. The Stern Report- What did we learn about global warming? (I was tempted to take this one, since it was sciencey, but wasn't sure how much the tubs would have on 'The Stern Report."
2. Something about Taiwan. I don't remember it.
3. What is the UN doing about AIDS in Africa.
By process of what I thought the tubs had the most info on, I took the third. I went over and grabbed the "Health" folio from the tubs and went to the AIDS folder. There was one article on AIDS in there, and about 15 papers about Rwanda. I made a mental note to ask Mrs. S why this was so (and as of yet I have forgotten to do so), but then set to reading my one article for 30 minutes. I read that one several times, then had 20 minutes left, so I read the Rwanda articles, thinking they might say something about AIDS. Nothing.
When time was called I went to my assigned room. There was no judge.
At this point I was getting rather ticked off. Once again, we were back on track for me missing my Science test. I wasn't sure who I should tell about this so I stood in the hallway and waited (remembering that at competitions you're not supposed to enter the room without a judge). Eventually speaker 2 for this room came by and saw me standing there. She was in full debating uniform, and could clearly tell I didn't belong there, no way, no how. Eventually our timer for this room came by, looked around, and set off to find a judge. The rest of the details about the judge arn't important so we can fast forward to my speech.
When I go in, the timer tells me that after 4 minutes he will hold up a card with a 3 on it, after 5 a 2, after 6 a 1, and after 6.5 a 1/2 card. I tried my best not to laugh, I wouldn't be needing these cards. The speech I gave is pretty much (as near as I can remember) as follows:
"Unlike the genocide in Rwanda in 1994 (See? I worked in all those Rwanda files in all my spare time after reading one document) the threat of AIDS in Africa cannot be fought with military force, and must in stead be fought with more costly supplies. To that end, the United Nations created the World Fund in 2002 which in 2005 gave 1.4 to 2 billion dollars to the fight. This money has gone to beating the most threating part of AIDS, the lack of people to fight it. For example, one hospital in Ethiopia had 2 doctor and 2 nuses for 2000 people whereas an American hospital would have supplied 15 nurses."
The end. That's all I had. I didn't even no how to conclude it. All in all, it was 51 seconds long. I figured I was done, the school was saved $50, and I could go take my science test (actually about 14 minutes away) in peace.
So I went and took the test. I was hard, but then again the point of UIL is to get questions wrong. That's just how it works.
As I go back to sit at the table our school had taken and join in the game of Risk that was going on (a favorite pass-time of my friends and I at these events even though it has millions of pieces to transport), Mrs. S approached me. "I have some bad news Bridget," she said. "You advanced. The next round is at noon."
Every got a good laugh at this. I had redelivered my 51 second speech to several people, and none of us could understand how it got me into the second round. However, apparently my sister wasn't our families only Debate Prodigy. That or Mrs. S was bribing the judge in order to get me hooked. We can't rule that out.
I go in, and wonders upon wonders, this time I got to use my real name! Somehow paper work had gone through and I could be Isaac G instead of Bridget W. I drew more glances from people who couldn't understand how this kid in the shorts made it to the second round. Then I went up to draw my topicsl. I don't remember what the others were, but the topic I picked was:
What is the current status of the government of Lebanon?
I figured that this was a straight forward question with material in the tubs, so I took it. As I begun my 30 minute research period, I went straight for the Africa folder to find my info.
Apparently Lebanon is not in Africa. The fact that I thought it was should tell you something about how qualified I am to do Extemp. I can (and have) drawn a map of the World Travelers During the Post-Classical Era (good old Marco Polo and Ibn-Batuta) but I can't find Lebanon. Go figure.
When I didn't find anything, I switched to the Middle East folder (twice the size of the Africa folder, that should tell you something about the world today) and luckily found a file on it. This file was about 3 times the size of the AIDS and Rwanda material combined.
To make a long story slightly less long, I researched and went in to give my speech. When I went in, there was a judge but no time-keeper. The judge told me to take a seat and make my self comfortable. By what was written on the board I judged we were in the Sex-Ed classroom:
Sex-Ed Rules: (This was a big tip-off)
1. Dictionary names for body parts only.
2. Respect others questions. And so on.
I did not realize that making myself comfortable meant carrying on a conversation with the judge. It started with the dreaded, "So, how many Extemp tournaments have you been too?" I said that honestly, I was a replacement. "Oh. I won this one last year." This did not bode well.
When the speaker two lined up outside the door, and we still didn't have a time-keeper, I turned to the judge and said that my watch did have a stop-watch feature she could use. In a demanding voice she said, "Give it." I started my speech (I don't remember as many details now about this one, and it was longer, so I won't type it) and managed a nice 1 minute 12 seconds this time. I collected my watch, thanked the judge for her time, and left.
A good while later (While we were playing Risk again [no one at home will play against any of us, so we have to play alot at UIL]) the results from round two were posted. I did not advance. I have never been so happy to lose.
Yesterday (Saturday December 2) there was a UIL competition. Several events ranging from academics to debate. Each person who goes does from 1 to maybe 3 events. I only ever go to take the Science test (20 bio questions, 20 chem, 20 physics). Perhaps I should make that clearer in the future.
It's always been a sort of fear for me that I'll go to a UIL competition and be drafted onto the mathematics or social studies teams, being as I have friends taking these tests and have done reasonably well in the subjects over the years.
I never expected this.
As we departed from our school to go to the competition about 1.5 hours away, my friends and I were sitting in the back few rows of the bus (their choice, not mine). Some of them were sleeping, some were listening to their iPods. Having forgot mine, and not feeling all that sleepy (despite having gotten up at about 5:30 after playing World of Warcraft with a friend till midnight to escape the scary party going on downstairs [with old people!]) I was just staring out the window. As I was staring at the barren Texas landscape, my latin teacher walks down the aisle of the bus, sits down in the seat in front of me, and turns around.
This said latin teacher (who shall be refered to as "Mrs. S") is also the debate coach (and of course she was there to do all the co-ordinating for the debate part of UIL with her team). She begins by saying, "Isaac! I have a job that needs doing and I thought of you!"
My first thought, "This cannot bode well."
As it turns out, one of the debaters had mysteriously not turned up. Unless someone else filled this person's place, the school would be charged a drop fee to the tune of about $50. She wanted me to fill this person's spot. Because all of the other debaters were busy at the time "Because of how this tournament is scheduled."
The event was Extemp. Basicly how the process goes is that when your name is called, you proceed to the front and draw 3 slips of paper from an envelope. You pick 1 (all three have topics written on them) and put the other 2 back. Then, you walk to your school's debate tubs (I knew what these were, we have had to push them off of tables to work whenever the Latin 3s and 4 students go into her office to do work seperate from the 2s) and research your topic for 30 minutes. Then, you walk to another room and give a 0-7 minute speech in front of a judge about your topic.
Mrs. S said that she didn't care whether I really tried or not (I don't believe this, she has tried at least twice before to get me hooked on debating, without sucess) and if I wanted I could walk into the judge's room, say "Darn it, I forgot my speech," and walk out again, so long as somebody was there to avoid the drop fee.
To show you how good of a debater Mrs. S clearly is, she never asked me if I would do it. She simply stated the facts, oulined how I would be doing it, bribed me with a free soda (which I have yet to recieve) and walked away confident in the notion that the spot had been filled.
However, there were a few glitches.
First, I wasn't dressed for the ocasion. I knew this because before the bus left I had been talking to a guy in my AP-biology class who was doing this same event, and saw the suit he was wearing. There I was, wearing a "HHS Science Olympiad" T-shirt and a pair of blue shorts (contrary to what others would wear in weather such as there was). When in the rooms, I felt rather under-dressed.
Second, there were scheduling problems for me. The event started at 8:30 and my science test (remember that? the whole reason I was there? Oh yeah, that.) was at 9:45, so timeing would have to move perfectly.
Third, I would have to impersonate someone. I was told that my name would now be Bridget W, despite the fact that I looked nothing like any Bridget I had ever met. My friends got a good laugh out of this, so, capitalizing on the moment to make a joke, I turned to them and said, "Yeah, I'm in the witness protection program. I change my name often." They laughed harder.
Despite these, I agreed. After hearing the story of another person Mrs. S had done this too (this other person also happens to be in my Bio-AP class) who had earned a medal after being thrown into Extempt in one day (this speech was no doubt supposed to motivate me to join debate full time as said person had), the event started...sort of.
We went into the room and waited. It started late, which sent me into shock because I was going to be late for my science test because I was being nice to the debate team's finances. However, Mrs. S got me moved to first speaker, so hopefully everything would work better.
When roll-call came around for the room, Bridget W's name was called, and I answered "Here." The roll-caller nodded, looked back at her paper to proceed, then immediately did a double-take and looked back up. "Oh, you're that substitute," she said, and the whole room proceeded to look at me, and my T-shirt and shorts.
I went to the front and drew my topics:
1. The Stern Report- What did we learn about global warming? (I was tempted to take this one, since it was sciencey, but wasn't sure how much the tubs would have on 'The Stern Report."
2. Something about Taiwan. I don't remember it.
3. What is the UN doing about AIDS in Africa.
By process of what I thought the tubs had the most info on, I took the third. I went over and grabbed the "Health" folio from the tubs and went to the AIDS folder. There was one article on AIDS in there, and about 15 papers about Rwanda. I made a mental note to ask Mrs. S why this was so (and as of yet I have forgotten to do so), but then set to reading my one article for 30 minutes. I read that one several times, then had 20 minutes left, so I read the Rwanda articles, thinking they might say something about AIDS. Nothing.
When time was called I went to my assigned room. There was no judge.
At this point I was getting rather ticked off. Once again, we were back on track for me missing my Science test. I wasn't sure who I should tell about this so I stood in the hallway and waited (remembering that at competitions you're not supposed to enter the room without a judge). Eventually speaker 2 for this room came by and saw me standing there. She was in full debating uniform, and could clearly tell I didn't belong there, no way, no how. Eventually our timer for this room came by, looked around, and set off to find a judge. The rest of the details about the judge arn't important so we can fast forward to my speech.
When I go in, the timer tells me that after 4 minutes he will hold up a card with a 3 on it, after 5 a 2, after 6 a 1, and after 6.5 a 1/2 card. I tried my best not to laugh, I wouldn't be needing these cards. The speech I gave is pretty much (as near as I can remember) as follows:
"Unlike the genocide in Rwanda in 1994 (See? I worked in all those Rwanda files in all my spare time after reading one document) the threat of AIDS in Africa cannot be fought with military force, and must in stead be fought with more costly supplies. To that end, the United Nations created the World Fund in 2002 which in 2005 gave 1.4 to 2 billion dollars to the fight. This money has gone to beating the most threating part of AIDS, the lack of people to fight it. For example, one hospital in Ethiopia had 2 doctor and 2 nuses for 2000 people whereas an American hospital would have supplied 15 nurses."
The end. That's all I had. I didn't even no how to conclude it. All in all, it was 51 seconds long. I figured I was done, the school was saved $50, and I could go take my science test (actually about 14 minutes away) in peace.
So I went and took the test. I was hard, but then again the point of UIL is to get questions wrong. That's just how it works.
As I go back to sit at the table our school had taken and join in the game of Risk that was going on (a favorite pass-time of my friends and I at these events even though it has millions of pieces to transport), Mrs. S approached me. "I have some bad news Bridget," she said. "You advanced. The next round is at noon."
Every got a good laugh at this. I had redelivered my 51 second speech to several people, and none of us could understand how it got me into the second round. However, apparently my sister wasn't our families only Debate Prodigy. That or Mrs. S was bribing the judge in order to get me hooked. We can't rule that out.
I go in, and wonders upon wonders, this time I got to use my real name! Somehow paper work had gone through and I could be Isaac G instead of Bridget W. I drew more glances from people who couldn't understand how this kid in the shorts made it to the second round. Then I went up to draw my topicsl. I don't remember what the others were, but the topic I picked was:
What is the current status of the government of Lebanon?
I figured that this was a straight forward question with material in the tubs, so I took it. As I begun my 30 minute research period, I went straight for the Africa folder to find my info.
Apparently Lebanon is not in Africa. The fact that I thought it was should tell you something about how qualified I am to do Extemp. I can (and have) drawn a map of the World Travelers During the Post-Classical Era (good old Marco Polo and Ibn-Batuta) but I can't find Lebanon. Go figure.
When I didn't find anything, I switched to the Middle East folder (twice the size of the Africa folder, that should tell you something about the world today) and luckily found a file on it. This file was about 3 times the size of the AIDS and Rwanda material combined.
To make a long story slightly less long, I researched and went in to give my speech. When I went in, there was a judge but no time-keeper. The judge told me to take a seat and make my self comfortable. By what was written on the board I judged we were in the Sex-Ed classroom:
Sex-Ed Rules: (This was a big tip-off)
1. Dictionary names for body parts only.
2. Respect others questions. And so on.
I did not realize that making myself comfortable meant carrying on a conversation with the judge. It started with the dreaded, "So, how many Extemp tournaments have you been too?" I said that honestly, I was a replacement. "Oh. I won this one last year." This did not bode well.
When the speaker two lined up outside the door, and we still didn't have a time-keeper, I turned to the judge and said that my watch did have a stop-watch feature she could use. In a demanding voice she said, "Give it." I started my speech (I don't remember as many details now about this one, and it was longer, so I won't type it) and managed a nice 1 minute 12 seconds this time. I collected my watch, thanked the judge for her time, and left.
A good while later (While we were playing Risk again [no one at home will play against any of us, so we have to play alot at UIL]) the results from round two were posted. I did not advance. I have never been so happy to lose.
posted by Isaac | 6:47 PM
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